When somebody says that they've lost their cat, it sounds so stupid. Like 'I've lost my pen' or 'I can't find my jeans'.
Very few people will understand the bond between myself and my cat. You have to experience it. He was my cat. I was his human. We were each others. He became an extension of myself. We understood each other, even though we never talked. Body language spoke a thousand words. I loved him. Not as family. Not as a romantic attachment. Not as a friend. As a part of myself. I can't even describe it. It's so strange without you purring on my lap. I just came to expect it- you were always there. Sleeping next to my head on the pillow. Purring and rubbing your face against mine. Do you remember all those times that I was sad? You would step over to me gently, cautiously, with a concerned look on your face. Lick and paddle, purr and smudge. I remember all those times when I lay my head on you and listened to the purrs and the heart beats; and we were content with each other. I wished those moments would last forever. It made me sad knowing they would end. I don't want to forget anything about you. I want to make new memories. I want you back. Come home. I'm already forgetting things. Small things. Like the feeling of your fur, your whiskers, how many were black and how many were white again? When you got hit by a car for the first time, somehow I knew you were in danger- you recovered that time, and were always weary of cars from that point onwards. I don't feel that now. I just worry because I want you back, and I know I may never see you again. I want to see you one last time. I never even said goodbye. I can't even remember when I saw you last. It still hurts, and I don't want it to stop hurting, I don't want to stop missing you, my missing cat. That will be the moment when I stop loving you, because I am forgetting you. Jog my memory. Be here again.
Sometimes I still call for you
and then I remember
you're already gone